august 27th, 2024.
mood: tense.

so, i started working seriously on this site, like ... three days ago, i think? as excited as i am, i'm also nervous. not for any particular reason, really. just ... generally anxious.

to be fair, it COULD be because i've been working on this site at the expense of like, sleeping properly and eating and drinking. oops!

the summer heat isn't helping things, either. i had a WONDERFUL week least week, but last week was about 20 degrees cooler ... i hate to say that i'm excited for fall, because fall means we're as close as ever to the Worst part of the year (winter).

i AM excited for fall, though. i love the cooler weather and halloween and the leaves changing colors. i love that sweet potatoes are in season. i love the seasonal food and drink. just ... i wish i could handle winter better.

anyway, i've had a lot of fun working on this blog, and i feel like i've already learned a lot! so far all i have is a main page (which i'm not 100% happy with either, weh) and a guestbook (which i adore, actually). i have ideas for the next pages i want to make, but it's going to take some time.

i'm ... a "perfectionist" doesn't feel like the right word, but it takes a lot for me to be happy with the things i create. it's something i want to overcome more than anything. i want to be okay with things not being perfect, and i want to create without constantly second guessing myself. i've been more invested in creative projects lately (drawing, writing, y'know) and it's been so so fulfilling, but i also have a tendency to get frustrated quickly.

i let thinking that i'm not good enough stop me from trying so many times in the past, and i don't want to do that anymore.

okay, i seriously need to go eat now.

... unrelated to anything, but: i think it's wild that cauliflower went from "food i literally never think about" to "one of my top 3 vegetables and i think about it almost daily." and because i like the way i prepare it, of all things! i never would have thought of myself as a "good" cook, but i'm cooking almost daily now and my family always compliment me on it ... and i actually believe them! wow.

bye for real now.